Long LifeA man was selling medicines at a fair. At first he sold bottles of a cure for colds for just a dollar a bottle. Many people wanted to buy it and the man's young assistant moved quickly through the crowd collecting money and handing out bottles of the cold cure. Then, when he had a big crowd, the man held up a very small bottle. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, " he shouted. "here is the medicine you have been waiting for. The cure for old age. Drink just one bottle of this and you will live forever." "And, ladies and gentlemen," the man continued, "I'm not going to charge you a hundred dollars a bottle for this wonderful medicine. I'm not going to charge you fifty dollars a bottle. I'm not going to charge you twenty five dollars a bottle. No, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to charge you just ten dollars a bottle. Think, my friends, for ten dollars you can live forever." Most of the people in the crowd did not believe this. One person shouted, "if it will make you live forever, why don't you drink it?" Then another person cried , "Yes, you look as if you're at least sixty years old. " "Thank you, sir, thank you," the man replied, "I'm so glad you said that. My real age is three hundred and twenty nine. " The crowd laughed at this but there were still a few people who wanted to believe the man. One of them spoke to the man's assistant as she passed by. "Is that true," he asked, "that he's three hundred and twenty-nine?" “Don't ask me," the assistant said, "I've only worked for him for a hundred and fifty years." 长生不老 一人在集市卖药。起先他卖一美元一瓶的治感冒的药。 很多人想买药，那人的年轻助手迅速穿行于人群中，一边收钱，一边递药。 然后当围观的人多起来时，那人举起一个小瓶子。 “听着，女士们，先生们，”那人喊道，“这就是你们一直想要的药。 消除衰老的药。只吃一瓶，就会长生不老。” “女士们，先生们，”那人接着说道，“对这种神奇的药，我不打算卖一瓶100美元。我不打算卖一瓶50美元，我也不打算卖一瓶25美元。我只打算卖一瓶10美元。想想吧，朋友们，只花10美元，你们就能长生不老。” 人群中大多数人不相信他的话。 一人喊道：“如果这药能使人长生不老，你为什么不吃？” 接着另一人叫道：“是哇，你看上去至少60岁。” “谢谢，先生，谢谢，”那人回答，“我很高兴你这么说。我的实际年龄是329岁。” 听到他的话，人群中发出一阵笑声，但仍有几个人愿意相信他的话。其中一人当那个助手经过时问她，“他已329岁了，这是真的吗？”他问。 “别问我，”助手说，“我只为他工作了150年。”A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"呵呵,一个比一个效率高.Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!! 拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"My Baby Swallowed a BulletYoung Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."Notes1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹2. to point at: 对...瞄准allybabyOnce two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？” fool_fox 标题：I'm the boss内容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!" note:staff meeting:员工会议Wife's pictureA businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home." note:tavern 酒馆, 客栈martini 马提尼酒peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看过v.偷看
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