雅思作文求修改

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查看11 | 回复1 | 2011-7-9 23:19:33 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
很久没写英语作文了,试着写了一篇,请高手指点。字数放不下,不知道怎么办了。
答案:Nowadays some people believe that a sense of competition should be encouraged, while others argue that children who are taught to cooperate rather than competition will become more useful adults. In general, both sides have their own reasons for that.
In my opinion, there are two main reasons for people who keep in mind that the sense of competition should be fostered. One reason is that, competition is more and more fierce in people’s life. To make a living, no matter the aim is to get access to high quality education or to find a good job, one has to get accustomed to competition. So this can be seen as the importance of competition. The other reason is that, people think competition is good for children’s growth, both mind and ability. By competing with their peers, children have to think about questions more profoundly, and in this way, they will learn more knowledge all by themselves.

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千问 | 2011-7-9 23:19:33 | 显示全部楼层
useful adult过于chinglish 后面那一句也是 “people who keep in mind that the sense of competition should be fostered”太罗嗦了 完全可以用简单句代替。第二段的论点不够清晰,因而论据也很无力。句与句的连接有些松散,而且逻辑性不强,使用较少加分连词。不好意思,为求进步只找缺点。建议你先精读几篇雅思考官范文再下笔吧,一些加分的小词上看得出来楼主基础还不错,但是对作文太陌生了。。。另外就是自己觉得有一定进展以后可以找native speaker来帮忙修改,你会看到很多完全想不到的问题出现的。。我也在为16号的考试准备,共勉吧!...
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