求教英文/ENGLISH高手！！儿童英文朗诵稿，修订完美

显示全部楼层 · 2007-6-23 06:59:06

太长了。。。不过是小朋友，呵呵，偶就把你的原文贴过来，大致改点吧(更口语点以及儿童很容易读吧。。。)。故事太长，不改了，也许是抄的吧，所以应该没什么问题。。。Hello everyone here. My name is Lucy and I come from class X （建议用班级名，比如1班X就换成one） of fengdan kindergarden. Currently, I'm five years and enjoy learning English very much. Here, I'd like to share a great story to you: .................................That’s all。 a good story, right? thank you!

千问 · 2007-6-23 06:59:06

Hello, everybody!My name is Lucy. I’m five years old. I come from big class of fengdan kindergarden. I love English very much. Now, （here is）a story for you:The Blue Wooden Cabin in the ForestThere is an old beautiful blue wooden cabin in the forest. A river runs around it and there are many beautiful flowers and lots of green grass near it. All of(不要of语感更好) the animals like this beautiful and clean （不要and,变成this clean，beautiful place）place.The fox says: “I love the green grass. I love to play(I like playing) on the grass!”The duck says: “I love the clean river. I like to swim (like swimming)in it.”One day. A man from the city finds(found) this beautiful place. He shouts(shouted): “Oh! What a beautiful blue wooden cabin! I like it! I’ll tell others in the city.”“Beep! Beep!” Many people arrive at(把arrive at改成came to) the cabin by bus. They shout(shouted): “What a beautiful place! Let’s sing and dance!” They make a big noise in the forest. All of(不要of) the animals are afraid to go out!In the evening, all the people go home. The animals go（came） out and they find (不要they，把find改成found)that everything has(had) changed.The blue wooden cabin is very dirty. The garbage smells terrible.The fox is very angry. He says: “It is very dirty. I can’t live here. I’ll move my home（my house)!”The duck says: “I can’t swim in the dirty river. I’ll move my home, too!”The elephant says: “Don’t move your homes. This is our home. Come on everybody. Let’s clean up the garbage together!”The next day. The people find all the animals are cleaning up the garbage. They say “Sorry! Sorry! Let’s clean up the garbage together!”In the end, the blue wooden cabin is clean again. The animals and human live together belongs to everyone forever!That’s all, thank you!在one day以后，都应该改成过去式的，不知对小孩子是不是很难.同意楼上两位的修改。参考一下所有的建议再作修改。

千问 · 2007-6-23 06:59:06

嘿嘿，各位大佬大家莫怪，综合以上三位的意见，结合自己的看法，全文修订如下，如有不当敬请谅解，多多包涵！Hello everyone here. My name is Lucy and I come from big class of Fengdan kindergarten. Currently, I'm five years and enjoy learning English very much. Here, I'd like to share a great story to you:The Blue Wooden Cabin in the ForestThere is an old beautiful blue wooden cabin in the forest. A clean river runs around it and there are many beautiful flowers and lots of green grass near it. All the animals like this clean, beautiful place.The fox says: “I love the beautiful flowers. I love to play on the grass!”The duck says: “I like the clean river. I like to swim in it.”One day. A man from the city finds this beautiful place. He shouts: “Oh! What a beautiful blue wooden cabin! I like it! I’ll tell others in the city.”“Beep! Beep!” Many people come here by bus. They shout: “What a beautiful place! Let’s sing and dance!” They make a big noise in the forest. All of the animals are afraid to go out!In the evening, all the people go home. The animals come out and find that everything has changed.The blue wooden cabin is very dirty. The garbage smells terrible.The fox is very angry, “It is very dirty. I can’t live here. I’ll move my house!”The duck says: “I can’t swim in the dirty river. I’ll move my house, too!”The elephant says: “Don’t move your houses. This is our home. Come on everybody. Let’s clean up the garbage together!”The next day. The people find all the animals are cleaning up the garbage. They say “Sorry! Sorry! Let’s clean up the garbage together!”In the end, the blue wooden cabin is clean again. All the animals and human live together happily ever after.That’s all, a good story, right? Thank you!楼上的小朋友，非常抱歉，惹你生气了；我只是想整理一个完整的答案给楼主而已，Very Sorry！
另外，善意提示一下，你自幼在加拿大生活，有很多英文简写在国内不太易明白。像u代替You还能想到，开场白就是你的I really前面的三句吗，kindergarten后面就接The blue woooden......么？
Sorry，下面你写的我就更难理解了：1、c'mon是Come on!？2、gr.是Grade.？3、wtf...？4、FU...？！（小姑娘？）5、sooooo...这是语气加强吗？6、ASSHOLD...？！
小姑娘啊，我当然不会怪你；恕我冒昧，如果我没有误会的话，西方/加拿大的青少年文化涵养都是这样修炼的吗。。。
以上，盼你回复，Tks！
Rgds！参考资料：前三位的回答，都很好！

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千问 · 2007-6-23 06:59:06

Hello, everyone! My name is Lucy. I’m five years old. I come from big class of fengdan kindergarden. I love English very much. Now, (here is)a little story for you: The Blue Wooden Cabin in the Forest There was an old beautiful blue wooden cabin in the forest with a river running around it. The flowers were beautiful and the grass was green there. A fox said: “I love its green grass. I love to play on it!” A duck said: “I love the clean river. I like to swim in it.” One day, a man from the city found this beautiful place. He shouted: “Oh! What a beautiful blue wooden cabin! I love it! I shall tell other people in the city.” “Beep! Beep!”Lots of people rushed to the cabin by bus. They shouted: “What a beautiful place! Let’s sing and dance!” They made a big noise in the forest. All of the animals are afraid to come out! In the evening, all the people went home. The animals came out and they found everything had been changed! The blue wooden cabin was so dirty and the trash smelled awful. The fox became very angry. He said: “It is too dirty. I can’t live here. I shall move!” The duck said: “I can’t swim in such a dirty river. I shall move, too!” The elephant said: “Stay, your people. This is our home. Come on, everybody. Let’s clean up the garbages together!” The next day, the people found all the animals were cleaning up the trash. They said“I am so Sorry! Let’s clean up the trash together!” Finally, the blue wooden cabin was clean again. The animals and human live together.Because the environment belongs to everyone! That’s all, thank you!